Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Book Review: The Menstruating Mall [Carlton Mellick III]

RATING: Good, but ending made me go "Huh?" 0_0

Great book cover
Razor wire pubic hair. Baby Jesus butt plugs. Bleeding malls, Satanic burgers. Welcome to the world of Carlton Mellick III, to the Bizarro genre, where stereotypes are shunned and freakish is the order of the day.

Ironically, Bizarro itself is becoming a stereotype nowadays.

But I digress... or perhaps not.

Anyway, I found Carlton Mellick III’s “The Menstruating Mall” to be… quite refreshing. Call it the bread in a wine-tasting session, or the coffee beans before sniffing another perfume. It is certainly something new, although definitely an acquired taste.

Our narrator is the typical yuppie guy who buys everything that makes it into the magazines he reads, watches blockbusters, and likes everything that’s “mass culture”. He goes to the mall one day, and finds that he can’t leave. The mall is suddenly vacated, starts bleeding, and our guy finds himself trapped inside the mall with nine other ridiculously stereotypical characters: the blond cheerleader, the white gangsta boy, the redneck cowboy, the too-male jock, a Goth girl, a bible thumper, a Stepford wife, a senile retiree and the gamer geek. There’s nothing stopping them from leaving – they just can’t leave.

Someone begins killing off our little motley crew one by one, Agatha Christie style. In a race against time, our heroes try to find out what the killer wants, and who the killer is.

In the meantime, things in the mall just keep getting weirder and weirder.

One thing that kept me turning the pages was because I wanted to find out who did it, and why. However, the ending was just simply anticlimactic. I was like, “What the hell has that got to do with the rest of the story?!” when I reached the end of what seemed like roughly 150 pages in size 14 font. (Yep, it’s an uber-short read.) While you will find out who the killer was and what the motive was, the last few chapters just went totally *shwing* off the top.

Oh, and no matter what I do, I COULD NOT appreciate the much-praised illustrations (which looks more like high-school male toilet humor graffiti) in the book.

However, the book is not without merits. I did enjoy this book. Well, three-fourths of it anyway. There are scenes that had me laughing out loud, simply because they were just so ridiculous. There are also scenes that were so repulsive, I couldn't help but be fascinated.

On another level, the author tries to tackle issues about society and conformity, and how consumerism (a.k.a. the horrifying taste of the general public) plays a big part in it. This book is Carlton Mellick III’s effort in promoting the elusive, multi-faceted concept of unique individuality. In other words, stop taking yourself too seriously before you begin, as Spyder puts it, “…[to] seem like [a] badly written B-movie character.” At the end of the day, do whatever you want to do, and to hell with everybody else.

Three stars because I enjoy sarcasm, wit, and a good satire.

Monday, December 18, 2006

Book Review: Turkish Gambit [Boris Akunin]



RATING: A delightful read. Will definitely follow this series.

Mustachioed, boyish-looking men - hot or not? 

"Turkish Gambit" is set on the Russo-Turkish war of 1877 (Food for Thought: this is the one some 20 years after the Crimean War and 36 years before WWI; apparently, Russia and Turkey has been at odds since the late 15th century. The war of 1877 provided Romania to gain full independence from the Ottoman Empire). Our heroine, Varya Surovova, is one of the progressive daughters of the motherland. Her fiancé has rushed off to the Balkan front as a volunteer cryptographer (my, how heroic), and headstrong Varya dresses up as a peasant boy (although her disguise fools no one) and follows suit.

A spoiled, naive young lady traveling alone and running into trouble is no surprise at all, and we find Varya stranded in a peasant country (one of those that ends with "-ovia") with no money. Enter Erast Fandorin to the rescue. Because of Fandorin, Varya was able to reach the front in one piece and reunite with her fiancé.

As the sole attractive, educated and unescorted female (the fiancé was busy) in the whole camp, Varya almost immediately finds herself surrounded by suitors left and right. (Much more attractive prospects than the said fiancé, in my opinion! :D) Shortly afterwards, the fiancé was accused of being a spy and was arrested. Fandorin, our reluctant hero, suspects something more sinister is afoot, and begins to investigate.

Boris Akunin is a superb writer. His narrative takes on different styles. For example, his previous Erast Fandorin mystery “Murder on the Leviathan” reads like an Agatha Christie novel, while “Turkish Gambit” is more of Arthur Conan Doyle’s “Brigadier Gerard” told in a woman’s voice.

Although Fandorin is the hero, he does not appear much in the story. I think this is a nice touch to make Fandorin seem more… superhuman. Fandorin’s character is like Sherlock Holmes with a touch of Droopy and talks like Porky Pig. I suppose if the story were centered on him, he’d look like… well, for lack of a better term, very un-hero-like. The result is quite interesting.

The story is told in Varya’s point of view. While I enjoyed the scenes where an extremely flattered Varya was flirting and being courted left and right by seriously dashing suitors, the story dragged somewhat in the middle. There was a point when nothing related to the case seemed to be happening, and all Varya was doing was feeling guilty that she was enjoying herself while her fiancé was in prison, and reprimanding herself of flirting with other men.

However, the story goes out with a bang. I shan’t divulge any details here, but I will say that the ending was “Whoa!” Totally unexpected but satisfyingly executed.

“Turkish Gambit” is well-researched and very informative without the qualities of a textbook. Reading it was a delightful way to pass the time.

Saturday, December 9, 2006

Book Review: The Last Hero: A Discworld Fable


RATING: Loved it! No ranting whatsoever!

Oooh. That beard makes me break out in hot sweat- menopausal-like :P

The theme of this story revolves around faith, death, and the unknown or, as Pratchett puts it, “…the imponderables of life, in the face of which people either start to pray…” or, in the case of Terry Pratchett’s 27th Discworld Novel, “…become really, really angry.”

Genghiz Cohen, or better known as Cohen the Barbarian, is the emperor of the Agatean Empire. He has fame and fortune, and has done everything at least once in his life. However, he is not happy.

After losing Old Vincent, one of his faithful Silver Hordes, to a *ahem* cucumber, Cohen is struck with the realization that: 1) There are “no more worlds left to conquer” so to speak; and 2) He is getting old.

Angry at the gods for letting people get old and die, Cohen and the rest of his Silver Hordes (Boy Willie, Truckle the Uncivil, Caleb the Ripper, and the cranky but lovable Mad Hamish) set out to give what the first hero stole back to the gods. With interest, even.

However, this will cause the end of the world.

From Ankh-Morpork comes three heroes to stop these legendary heroes. Genius Leonard of Quirm (a spoof of Leonardo da Vinci, obviously), Captain Carrot the six-foot dwarf, and cowardly wizard Rincewind. Will they be able to save the world in time?

Terry Pratchett is an author with a great sense of humor. I totally worship this guy. Nobody but Pratchett could manage to poke fun of religion, death and old age, and make it into something so - well, for lack of a better term - "tastefully hilarious". While this one's shorter than other Discworld novels, I find it to be one of the funniest. Humor is satirical and tongue-in-cheek at its best. Paul Kidby's illustrations are gorgeous. Done in a rather serious Renaissance-inspired style, but the subject matter is anything but. You can imagine the outcome :) Pratchett and Kidby complement each other like Flotsam and Jetsam. I've read this book several times already, but it never fails to make me laugh.

I love this book. No ranting whatsoever. Very, very strongly recommended. Full stars, and then some!